'Twas the week before Halloween, all filmgoers are vexed, Not a single good movie is at their Cineplex; Max Steel and Ouija leaves audiences cheated, Jack Reacher, a sequel that nobody needed.
Alas all is silent, hushed, peaceful and mute, No Halloween horrors, gore or even green puke. It's quiet at the theater, too quiet it seems, So this holiday season I suppose you could stream.
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I went to the cine to see what was the matter. I darted through lines, my mind full of doubt, But $28 mil is nothing to sneer about.
The movie begins with plans of a party, A group of school girls are asked not to be tardy. Tiffany, the youngest of the skimpy clothed brats, Tries to trick her father so she can go to the frat.
Yet her father, a simpleton, has a trick up his sleeve, That's when I shuttered, steeped, coiled and grieved. Theater 16, I should have bought some sangria, For I came face to face with yet another Madea.
Adorning cheap pearls and a faded red frock, She can make windows shatter with the way that she talks. Her anger filled face is framed by her glasses, And she solves every problem by "whooping some a**es!"
She's invited the night to keep tabs on her brood, And seems to want to bring fusspots from the old neighborhood. On Hattie, on Bam, on stale jokes that tease us, On Joe, on Brian and constant references to Jesus.
Atrocious blather reigns forth from her lips, Not to mention in this movie she shows us her tits. Through it all there's some nonsense about parenting well, A tacked on sentiment that all falls to hell.
The young girls attempt to deceive the old dame, Yet Madea's nature leaves her wise to their game. She "thugs out" at the party in search of her ward, Gets thrown out, calls the popo and causes discord.
The movie then devolves into horror house clichés, In an attempt to lazily connect tale to holiday. Lights flicker, doors knock, shadows lurch and scamp round, Vengeful teens dress as zombies and those demented clowns.
There's nothing remotely clever about this incessant noise, I at one point felt sorry for obnoxious fratboys! Their motives were simple, nefarious, but clear, Which is more than I can say for Madea my dear.
At one point near the end I felt a great numbing, Somewhere around the phrase "they hacked into the plumbing" Kids learn their lesson through a prank too accursed In a moment of candor one said "It keeps getting worse".
Nine movies we've endured of this sad minstrel act, Nine movies I equate aptly to a physical attack. Yet Perry still makes millions off a dress and hairdo, So after so many bad movies, this s**ts now on you!
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